We recently took my parents to the South Coast Botanic Garden. The weather in Riverside had been warm and sunny the day before, so I failed to look at the weather for the coast. What a difference a 57 mile drive can make. When we arrived at our destination it was raining! I was a little bummed since none of us had jackets. So, we dug through the back of the car until we found two umbrellas and a hoodie. We made the best of it and the rain tapered off and stopped.
We found ourselves alone in the gardens after the hush of the rain.
Cloudy days usually make for great pictures, but what I quickly realized was that the rain had given us some spectacular views we hadn’t expected.
Views I may not have seen if the rain had not come.
A spider web, usually almost invisible, shone like lace through the droplets. The mist hung off plants like exquisitely placed crystals. Flowers sparkled under the prism of sprays. I was hoping for some beautiful pictures, but what I got were priceless moments in time where I stood mesmerized by God’s handiwork.
I like the rain, but it’s the unexpected storms that often come with it that are hard to endure. I think back on how my life has changed over the past few years. Some of the changes were caused by my choices, others were caused by people in my life, and some have no fault at all. It’s the ones where I think I did not falter that are the hardest for me to make peace with.
Diagnosis and loss can leave me feeling like that rain. It gradually crept in without my knowing and had profound impacts on my life. Everything changed, except God. He never changes. But He knew I would struggle before I did and He lets me experience loss so that I could return my heart solely to Him. He is the only one who never leaves and His arms are strong enough to hold me when I want to run away.
There is a part of me that wants the hard parts to be finished, and another part of me that wants to hold tight so that I don’t miss anything. I’m choosing to not rush through this season, because I don’t want to miss all the beautiful things God has planned, in spite of me. I’m trying to meet my husband where he is and to be present in peace and joy.
But without the rain and feeling all the feels, I wouldn’t be in a place where I can see beauty return after grief nearly sunk me. No, all my problems are not fixed. No, relationships have not healed. No, the diagnosis did not get reversed. But God is still God. I am to obey Him above what I want. I will do the right thing, even though some days hurt a lot.
They say time heals all wounds. I don’t think so. Time makes it less raw. God is the Healer. He is the only One who can sustain hearts through long journeys. I am taking one thing at a time. Not one day at a time, but one thing at a time. And by doing this I can see the joy returning in a place where celebration and grief can coexist.
If I didn’t endure the rain, I might have missed out on the view.
Life doesn’t have to be what you expected to be good. Daily, I have to keep my eyes in the right place and let Him do the work that only He can do. He will give me what I need for every moment. I am called to keep my eyes on Him, not the rain.
That’s beautiful!
Thank you Kathy! Sometimes God’s delays work out for our best!